ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
