after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
