I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
