Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
