Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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