I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When did angry sex become our thing?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
