You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
