if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
