You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
