the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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