You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
