Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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