Apparently you make a good broom.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
