so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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