it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
