Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
