I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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