I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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