If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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