I hate your face
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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