This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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