My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
