i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
