Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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