i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
