The maid of honor just puked.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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