They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
