We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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