I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
