some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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