The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
