if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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