marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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