I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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