Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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