i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
