I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
