Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
