i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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