You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my poor anus
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
