in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
