So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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