I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
