Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My vagina just recognized that song.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
