your parents love me but you hate me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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