Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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