There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
