I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
