I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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