My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So squirting runs in the family.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
