My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Duck Duck Cougar?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have post one night stand depression
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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