Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
