i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
