Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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