k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
