dude i'm inner monologue high
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
