Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
